Disbelief

Date Submitted: 08/23/2002
Author Info: Cynthia (Norwich, CT - USA) 
Occupation: Homemaker
Lived in NY on 9.11.01?: No
Knew someone who perished?: No

We had recently moved…. my husband was travelling almost an hour to and from work and so we moved…. we borrowed his brother’s pick-up truck to move some stuff…. but after we settled in and returned paul’s brother’s truck, we realized we realized we really needed a truck of our own…. i found one for sale on the way to the hardware store on the side of the road in early september and i insisted that we buy it rather than again borrowing my husband’s brother’s…. on september 11th i put my GEO Prizm on the front lawn in an effort to sell it…. then i put a vcr tape into the tv to catch up on yesterday’s soap operas…. my husband called a little later to ask if i was watching tv…. i answered feeling guilty that yes, i was catching up on yesterday’s soaps…. he told me to put on REAL tv — the channel 3 news –that New York had been attacked by terrorists and the World Trade Center was falling…. i thought he was joking…. i thought he was teasing me because i was watching soap operas…. but i turned the vcr off…. and all i could think was that it was not real…. my husband could not pull off this sort of joke but surely someone somewhere was playing a VERY sick joke…. then my mouth hung open and my breath dried up…. this was real and it spelled to me…. W A R …. something i had dreaded all my childhood, but my mother pounding me saying thank God you may never have to live through it…. but here it was…. in my husband’s favorite city in all the world…. and then the doorbell rings…. and there is a couple on our front lawn wanting to buy the GEO…. i feel crazed…. my 6 year old girls are in an elementary school a few blocks away and i have no way of even knowing if they know what has happened…. i recall thinking that the governor should let my children and everyone’s children go home to their families…. but he didn’t do that…. and i kept looking at the skies as this couple tried to talk me down in price for the GEO and i even asked them if they didn’t think it ironic that here they were buying a car when the whole world might disappear in a matter of moments…. the man’s wife answered that she had twins and needed a vehicle for work…. at which point i couldn’t help but offer my own twins bumper sticker would stay on the car (twins — more two love) ….she was so excited about the car, and yet her husband kept dickering…. i finally let the price slide by 250 dollars so as to just get back to the television and to call my childrens’ school…. i wrote a poem about 9-11, but i’m not sure it will ever be told…. on september 11th, i only lost a part of my husband…. new york city was his “baby” and it will never be the same…. better hopefully…. for all concerned…. i wish only good tears and memories for those who had lives of loved ones stolen from them…. i will always feel some form of guilt for losing only my husband’s memories of a wonderful and blessed city…. –God Bless You All –cynthia and paul (cynandpaul@cs.com)

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