Fear and remembering 9/11
About a year before I was married I had an instinctive sense of fear every time I drove by the Twin Towers on my way to and from work everyday. David thought I was nuts, although he still married me. Anyway over the years we actually did quite a few gigs @ Windows on the world and every time I was in that place the hairs on my arm would stand up. I just couldn’t wait to leave. Moving on………………………….
So we get married and I go on my honey moon to a place known as the mystic vale, Ireland. Our tour had us beginning in Dublin and ending @ the Cliffs of Moher. In Dublin we got blitz every day and it was all just a haze of activity. Once we left the real magic began to happen. Yeah, my spidey senses started tingling big time. It’s as if the earth herself was speaking to me. We drive to a beautiful little town called Kinsale and stay the night. Of course we were late for check in and Dave had me park the car over this little bridge, and walk back to the Inn while he helped the bellhop with our bags; who was about 11 years old. On the way back I was struck by these plants growing on the side of the bride up a mountain wall. So I walked over to take a closer look. My mom had the same plant @ home with large green leaves that grow in a vine, except each leaf on this plant was the about the size of my husbands body. When I got closer I felt a rush as if I were connecting on a primal level to another life force. It freaked me out so I went to get my husband. I’m trying to remember his reaction, something like “cool”. Anyway after dinner, my husband made me some tea before we went to bed which he proceeded to spill scolding hot on my knee. I don’t know if this has any relevance except it hurt very badly.
So it finally begins the point of the whole story; I had a series of three dreams. What was unusual is that I remembered each dream so vividly. Most of us have trouble remembering one dream let alone three consecutive dreams in the same night.
In the first dream my mom was sitting in her rocker with her rosary beads asking God for me to call her. Wondering why I haven’t called to let her know that I arrived ok. Remember at this point she hadn’t heard from me in a few days, because we were, well drunk most of the time in Dublin.
In the next dream I was sleeping in one room and my son John was sleeping in a room down the hall. I was awaken by the sound of a Radio suddenly playing loudly like when an alarm clock is set and goes off. The Radio announcer was saying “We interrupt this program to bring you an Emergency news brief.” The rest was garbled, other that the urgency in his voice, all I could think of is turning this damn thing off and ringing my son’s neck. My son was sleeping and the Radio was on the night stand. I walk over to turn it off and realize that it doesn’t have an off button. As I look down at it, I become aware that the news is coming out of a TOASTER. Although perplexed, I move on to my objective, and unplug the sucker, thinking ” I’m going back to bead.” As I turn around I see this shadowy white figure at the foot of my son’s bed. He was looking down at my son’s feet and his back was toward me so I couldn’t see his face. Next to me was a chair that I decided to sit in to collect my irrational thoughts. As I sat with my eyes tightly closed, I said “dear GOD please take this away, this is not real, and therefore it can’t harm us.” Before I can finish the last word two hands grabbed each of my arms, and in a rush of total fear I opened my eyes, and it was my beautiful brother Gus. He was all dressed in white and emanating beams of light from within himself illuminating all things around him. He kissed me on the forehead as he always did, smiled, turned and looked at my son, the radio and looked at me again and was gone.
Next dream was a shopping trip with my mom. We appeared to be in a flea market or an open Air market in Greece. You could see the turquoise water in the background, tables everywhere. Again this strong instinctive sense of fear consumed me. The entire market was surrounded by a gate with one entrance. We walked in and began browsing the tables when two men walked in that caught my attention. As they came in each stood on either side of the entrance, and cased the place out. They began putting their hands in their pockets, when I threw my mother on the floor and yelled TERRORIST. While I lay on top of my mom, I watched as people were being slaughtered before my eyes.
When I woke up I was in a total state of panic. I couldn’t understand why I was having such awful dreams on my honeymoon. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. Maybe my husband had a point, and I should seek professional help when I get home. Although we had very little time to get to our next destination, I was determined not to leave until I got a calling card and called my mom. I told her about the dreams and she sent me a blessing and told me not to worry.
Now the honeymoon is over and we are back in town for about a week, on September 10th 2001, I am on my way after work to pick up my wedding pictures. I drove in that day and had to rush home because Dave and John were going to a Red sox vs. Yankee game. Anyway it was raining that night and I knew the game would be canceled. As I sat in traffic in front of the Twin Towers I had that awful feeling of intense dread again. I thought to myself, maybe I’m just loosing it. Again I wondered what was wrong with me. The negative feelings just didn’t make sense, because everything was particularly harmonious in my life. Little did I know that it was the last time I would see the towers intact.
The next morning those awful feelings carried over. I talked to Dave and he said he also felt like shit, just a feeling of overall gloom. We were running late, and I dropped him off at work in Boerum Hill, Brooklyn. It was just a straight shot down Henry Street. I remember him telling me to take a deep breath and pray. I drove back to the battery tunnel and proceeded to sit in traffic. I was so pissed at this time a nasty morning just got worse, except at this point I had something to blame it on. While I was in the tunnel I heard a weird Hum like the buzz of the Base on large sub woofer car speakers. I though to myself great, as if this morning wasn’t bad enough I have to deal with these jerks. Thirty minuets later I emerge from the tunnel and realize that all traffic is being diverted to the left towards the east. I couldn’t see what all the commotion was about because we hadn’t cleared the garages by the battery tunnel. When I finally inched toward West Street, and I can see what was going on, I realized that one of the towers was burning. I thought Oh my God, here I am bitching about life and people are dying. Is this why I felt so awful every time I drove by the Trade. I bowed my head and prayed, asking God to forgive me and to please help those people.
To give you a visual, I was in complete gridlock just outside of the battery tunnel my car was slightly pointed east. I could see the South Ferry Terminal, and out of my rear right side passenger window, I can see one of the towers burning. I closed my eyes to pray as I’ve never prayed, when suddenly I heard a deafening roar. When I looked up I saw a huge plane heading toward us, it flew over our car, turned, and hit the second tower. Every emotion, dream, and premonition I had culminated into this huge explosion and I thought this is why I was freaking out. I’m not crazy; somehow I knew this was going to happen. I heard this voice in my head TERRORIST GET OUT. I knew immediately that is was no accident but an act of utter violence. Somehow I drove east under the tunnels over the Brooklyn bridge, to Boerum Hill were my husband worked before they shut it all down. In fact I made it to my apartment before the towers collapsed. As far as I am concerned it was divine intervention; not my time to go. I promised myself that from that moment on I would keep myself more in tune with all of the forces that exist around us; discard the idle babble and just listen to the silence speak.