I was in my apartment packing things for moving to France from Orlando, Florida when my boyfriend called me on the phone. He told me to turn on the TV, no channel in particular as it was all over the news. I watched the replay of the first plane hit the towers and was scared. Sure, it was only an accident…it would be OK. Maybe it was a new movie preview and wow! They are realistic previews…wait a minute..there is another plane, and its going to hit!…I remember that I was scared, terrified is more accurate. I was in my apartment holding the phone and shaking, feeling the hatred it must have taken to kill all these people, Americans and foreigners the same. It must be a huge amount of hatred to kill so many innocents in the pentagon and the twins. I hung up the phone and it immediately rang again, and again and again…. My stepfather was on the USS Enterprise and right in the middle of the Indian Ocean (not the best place to be…) I will never forget the guns and the armor and the soldiers…the fighter jets flying over NASA and Central Florida. The fire trucks and the police in full gear and then going to the Red Cross and standing in line with so many other people, it was not even noon and people were lining up and waiting to give blood. I wanted to go to NYC and help…maybe I would be in the way because I had nothing to offer. I sat with friends later, all of us silent but still hearing the noise of confusion. I still hear the noise.

Even today I cannot think about September 11 without feeling confused, sad, angry and torn. It is really a wake up call that I wish I never answered. Americans have died in wars on other lands, defended civil rights for HUMANS, given food and international aid…why do these people hate us? Why do they kill? Is religion the root? I am living in France now and it is really hard sometimes. I feel alien when I hear jokes and critics for US actions. Does anyone realize it is not the US citizen? Our government is not perfect, but why chastise American citizens? It is lonely sometimes to be in another country and try to talk about September 11, even 1 year later, and our national tragedy is forgotten. I hope that no other nation experiences such a deliberate attack. I hope for understanding that Arabic cultures are not to blame. I hope for understanding that we are all different and wonderful in our way. I hope…